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First blog post

My intention behind this blog is multi purpose as I hope to promote our business, prove that I am not a complete dinosaur & can master blogging, social media & all the other internet related things that scare me & at the same time have an opportunity to vent my spleen about the things that quite frankly make me grumpy.

I will be more than happy to exchange views with like minded curmudgeons & look forward to putting the world to right.

 

The Meaning of Life, Fear & Telling the Time

Well I have sort of got used to my mobile phone now having a brain the size of a planet & a camera better than the dedicated camera that cost me mega bucks whilst pervading & attempting to run every aspect of my life. I am saying this as a dedicated avoider of all things Apple so God only knows how you poor souls that have bought into their nonsense feel.

brain

Well why is this bothering you? I hear you ask. Well I am now concerned that e-cigarettes are also making an attempt to take over my life & which of these competing technologies is going to win the battle.  There have been various things that have sort of amused me in a sort of “Why the hell are you bothering” type of way like the iPhone case that contained an e-cigarette or various batteries with bluetooth connectivity but SMOK have launched a mainstream product that scares the living daylights out of me.

SMOK’s G-PRIV has a 2.4″ touchscreen that includes a clock & straightaway that removes 90% of the reason for carrying your mobile around with you which is to tell the time. It is capable of chucking out 220w which is enough power to heat a small house. More functions than you can shake a stick at & for crying out loud it even has sub menus! It records & can even control your puffs with all the info downloadable to your PC or dare I say it mobile phone & I even read about somebody claiming to keep all their vaping info in an Excel spreadsheet.

smok

This all causes a real dichotomy for me as I bloody well hate my phone for attempting to take over my life & letting people that I don’t want to talk to call me whilst up until now I have loved my e-cigarettes for providing me with pure pleasure & some of them for their beauty (Lost Vape Therion) but there is now a real danger that I am going to end up bloody hating my e-cigarettes. Does this make me a Philistine as I know that the bloody things are going to be the latest must have that will fly off the shelves.

Scrums, Fatigue & Nonsense

I haven’t blogged anything for ages but quite frankly that has been because I have had diddly squat to say but now I can feel a need to vent my spleen or even share a few things that have tickled my funny bone so here we go.

On the spleen venting front I recently visited the Vaper Expo at the NEC in Birmingham on the trade day with the specific purpose of talking to potential new suppliers as well as saying hello to existing ones. Well that proved bloody impossible because the place was absolutely heaving with the general public mobbing every stand in search of free samples. Don’t get me wrong, I love the general public but not on a trade day & the organisers need a bloody good kicking for demanding that you bought proof of business with you & then performing absolutely no checks.

As I left the show the organisers sent me a Facebook message asking me to rate the show which they hopefully regretted doing as I was fairly forthright in my opinions but being slightly intrigued I clicked on the first profile that I saw of people also leaving reviews for the trade day & there in all his glory was somebody that fearlessly announced his job to be a “Checkout Operative” at Sainsburys. I am glad that he had a great time blagging freebies whilst I wasted my time trying to remember how to break down a scrum. Shall not be bothering with Vaper Expo again!

scrum

Since my last blog, I have become a deeply committed sub ohm cloud chaser & expanded my array of equipment to what even I admit to being ridiculous levels but it has also introduced a new problem to me that I had read about before but dismissed as total nonsense. I mean who could take something called “Flavour Fatigue” seriously, well as I have discovered it is real & juices that I absolutely adore suddenly taste of nothing in next to no time. As initially I did not believe in the concept, I spent a huge amount of wasted time cleaning tanks, changing coils & upgrading kit to no avail.

fatigue

In future I am going to attempt not to be so cynical & believe some of what I read which leads me nicely into an article that I read in the Guardian Newspaper which reported on research that suggested that vaping could prevent ex smokers piling on the pounds. Whilst not really being in a position to prove or disprove this suggestion, I am going to go with this one & embrace it wholeheartedly whilst vaping on my new favourite juice which tastes so good that you feel that you must be piling on the pounds just by smelling it let alone vaping it. Right now I am keeping this one to myself but very soon we will have Sluice Juices in stock & their Creamy Biscuit is astonishingly gratifying to vape & quite how they make you think that you are vaping a digestive biscuit smothered in light vanilla cream with a gentle caramel aftertaste is beyond me. In fairness the rest of their range is pretty impressive but this is a real standout juice that should have some of the big names quaking in their boots. I am rationing myself on this one in order to delay the onset of bloody flavour fatigue.

Does this story have a moral to it? Well maybe it’s vape away to your hearts content on the fattest most calorific tasting juices that you can find & lose weight or is this too good to be true? Well as I was wrong about flavour fatigue I am going to believe in this one & bugger WeightWatchers.

fat

I am going to finish off with a little tale about the relevance to customer care to customer retention & repeat business. Now I can hear you all saying why is he bloody preaching to the converted but I promise you that there are some unenlightened individuals out there so strap yourselves in for this one. On one of my rare visits to the shop, the incredibly patient & nearly vegetarian Stacey Dunne was not indulging in yoga but doing something else incredibly important & asked (told) me to help a lost looking individual who had just wandered in to the shop.

On being asked if he needed any help, he informed me that he was looking for some juice. I asked if he had anything particular in mind & told him that he was free to try any of our juices which were all out in sample tanks. He appeared most surprised by this but soon started vaping away before he got to the Kiberry Yogurt from Kilo & said how much is this? Well he grimaced & took a step back when I said £16.99 for 30ml but I was not going to be put off by such a miserly display & asked him what he currently vaped. His answer was priceless as he did not know what it was called but it was £20 for 3 x 30ml bottles & he was shocked by £16.99 for 1 x 30ml. With a bit of pushing I learnt that of the 3 bottles he had purchased elsewhere that 2 were unopened & the 3rd was still nearly full as he didn’t like it but he asked me to try it & see what I thought. Well whilst I would never openly knock our competition my face must have said it all as it was the most rank juice that I had ever tasted including the shit that used to come from China back in the early days. All that I could say was didn’t you try it before you purchased it?

Now this is where it gets really special. Apparently he did ask if he could try it first but was given the following reply “If you go into a tobacconists you don’t ask if you can smoke a fag before you buy a packet do you”

I genuinely thought that the guy was pulling me leg but apparently not & when I stopped laughing I relieved him of £16.99 & a promise that he would be back soon with his wife as well as telling all his friends about us.

There endeth the lesson.

Health & Safety Warning

Do not ever drop your fully loaded Lost Vape Therion on your big toe whilst not wearing shoes or socks. Not only is it pretty damn stupid but it hurts like buggery

toe

Never Look A Gift Persian Rug In The Mouth

STOPTOBER is just about upon us again but with one crucial difference this year. Thanks to Eurotwaddle or should I say TPD (Tobacco Products Directive) we are not allowed tell the great British Public that we could help them give up smoking despite the huge amount of research coming out almost daily confirming that e-cigarettes are massively better for you than tobacco & extremely effective being at least as successful as other NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapies).  Well done Brussels for condemning more people to die early unnecessarily. You probably deserve a big fat pension & a pat on the back for helping out the big tobacco & pharma companies! You may have guessed that this makes me angry & grumpy but F**K them we are going to advertise with the message that we are not allowed to tell them how we can help & hope that we are prosecuted because the resulting PR would be worth mega bucks.

Now that I am on a roll I am going to get onto the number of people that have visited our shop asking for help after having been elsewhere & sold totally unsuitable products for their needs. It has almost become an epidemic of people wanting to give up smoking that have been sold sub ohm equipment & whilst having become a recent convert myself, I know that sub ohming is something to possibly progress to but for most is definitely not a suitable starting point to give up smoking with.

I am an absolutely passionate believer in the benefits of vaping & absolutely loath & abhor the lazy & damaging sales methods employed by some sectors of the industry that I love. I know that there will be a shake out & eventually the quick buck merchants will go but will you bloody well hurry up before we start being likened to 2nd hand car sales or heaven forbid estate agents.

estate-agent arthur

As previously stated I have recently become a sub ohm convert after 5 odd years of indulging in what I called proper vaping or just trying to replicate what I got out of smoking the cigarettes that bloody nearly killed me (well they might have been helped along by too much booze as well but the 2 went hand in hand). Well a whole new world of flavours & silly amounts of vapour has opened up to me though I can’t help but keep thinking that I am far too old to take part in what is predominantly a young persons pleasure but sod it there is no law that says I have to cover myself in tattoos, pierce my body in strange places, have the arse of my trousers hang below my knees or wear a ridiculous baseball hat back to front but who knows maybe I will.

trousers

The ever so slightly chilled Stacey (after her weeks yoga retreat but more of that another day) has been frowning a great deal about the additional kit added to my already significant collection in order that I can now also indulge in sub ohm vaping & she may have a point as when we go out now my pockets are so full of vaping paraphernalia that I am frightened to lean in any direction in case I topple over & am unable to get up again.

However there may be a solution other than designing a jacket that also doubles up as a shed & that is the SMOK Vape Pen 22 which is a very small all in one sub ohm piece of kit that it is incredibly simple to use as it has no controls other than a a fire button but provides awesome flavour & huge clouds of vapour for less than a score or £19.99 for those of you that that don’t speak cockney. Basically idiot proof & inexpensive yet offering a performance that many setups 3 or 4 times its price would be jealous of. Charge, fill & make clouds it can’t get much simpler than that!

SMOK are on a roll at the moment as most of what they bring out nails it especially the TFV8 Cloud Beast tank which our cloud chasers love & soon I know that I am going to get brave enough to add to my collection.

Without a shadow of doubt the choice of high VG juices for sub ohm use is mind boggling & many of them I will never get on with as I am clearly a Philistine when it comes to this sort of thing but some are just so good that at the moment I can’t see the point in looking anywhere else (my opinion only) & they are Menage A Trois from Ruthless & Kiberry Yogurt from Kilo

Finally just a quick diversion onto things that make me chuckle as opposed to being grumpy & the other day we had a man poke his head round the door & ask if we knew where he could get a Persian rug cleaned. Now even I was struggling at this point to see a way of getting this guy to open his wallet in our vape shop but ever the optimist I invited him in & said there was a dry cleaners in Cheltenham that might just be able to help him & was he a vaper?  No he said but asked me what I was vaping which I explained was my goto Purity Tribeca to which he asked if I vaped other things?  Like what I asked? which caused much shuffling of feet & nervous looking around before he said herbs. What like Rosemary or Oregano I said feeling rather mischievous. No he said you know other herbs. So anyway long story short he came in asking about Persian rug cleaning & left with a couple of old & dusty  M3 Dry Herb Clearos that had been hidden at the back of the stockroom for years as result of one of my less enlightened purchasing decisions. Presumably he was going to pay a visit to the nearest herb supplier on his way to the dry cleaners with his Persian rug.

herbs

 

Chicken Armageddon, Responsible Journalism & The Sun

Readers of my blog will already be aware of Eric the shop dog & incredibly stupid springer spaniel whose normal role is to wag his tail at customers & growl at anybody that might have a role in enforcing TPD regulations but over the bank holiday weekend & without these roles to play, he decided other activities were in order.

Our immediate neighbours were away on holiday & had asked us to take care of their many (is that a flock?) free range chickens which actually just consisted of throwing a bit of feed around & opening or closing coops but Eric wanted in on this & proudly cleared a 5 odd foot fence to catch the chickens & bring them back over the fence to proudly drop them at my feet. Now whilst he actually did no damage to them the poor chickens died of fright after a great deal of clucking, so here was I facing chicken armageddon & a springer spaniel that was very pleased with himself.

So now my bank holiday plans of basically sitting by the BBQ burning meat, drinking beer & indulging in my new found love of sub ohming on my Smok OSUB went right out the window. How was I going to explain this to the neighbours & how was I going to prevent it happening again?

It took about 30 ml of Sinful from Mile High Drip to decide that I had to construct Gloucestershire’s answer to the Berlin Wall between our properties, so a wallet emptying visit to B&Q ensued even if they do not supply searchlights, machine guns or landmines.

berlin wall

Blood, sweat, tears & much cussing followed for most of the weekend before I was able to proudly look at my handiwork & say not only will the bastard not be able to get at the chickens but there was also no way that the neighbours could get in to get at me. Eric was pretty pissed off & spent several minutes prowling up & down, occasionally hurling himself at the gate, biting wire & trying to pull it down before trotting down to the bottom of the ditch & jumping 6 feet to place his paws on top of a fence post & haul himself over into the chicken’s field. Resulting in extremely smug dog & myself bemoaning the fact that B&Q do not supply machine guns, searchlights or landmines.

Eric is now banished to the shop or tied up in the garden as he clearly cannot be trusted not to collect chickens for me especially as I prefer them from my local farmer who supplies them plucked, gutted, feet less & headless.

Back in the world of vaping which had taken a bit of a backseat to Eric, I was particularly struck by the alarmist nonsense that most of our national newspapers decided to report as factual without seemingly performing any checks with full marks going to The Sun for their headline “VAPING AS BAD AS FAGS” clearly their journalists know better than both Public Health England & the Royal College of Physicians who have unequivocally said otherwise

sun

In my quest for the truth in many such matters often put out as facts by people working with or for the big tobacco & pharmaceutical companies I have come across a gentleman by the name of Clive Bates who is absolutely brilliant at cutting through much of the nonsense that is peddled & I cannot recommend strongly enough that you either follow him via his website (link below) or twitter. He deserves the support of every vaper.

http://www.clivebates.com/?p=4311

 

 

The Dark Side, Sex & Advice

I can’t believe that I am telling you this but I may have moved over to the dark side & have actually been sub ohm vaping. As an unreconstructed 60 a day Rothmans smoker that has only ever wanted to recreate that sensation this has been a major step for me, not that I am saying that I have totally given up my Nautilus x tanks with tobacco flavoured e juices altogether but I have definitely added another option into my armory of vaping devices.

darkside

I blame it all on the sheer unadulterated beauty of the Smok Osub which is such that I just had to have one. However the fatal flaw in this desire is that it is a sub ohm piece of kit & I didn’t sub ohm. Well I do now & I am still getting a childish amount pleasure from disappearing behind a humongous cloud of vapour that tastes of Danish Pastries. In the past when I have tried to inhale direct to lung (technical speak alert) it played havoc with my brain because you would never do that with a Rothmans King Size & it made me cough up large bits of my lungs on the carpet. Determination is an amazing thing when directed constructively & my desire to own & use a Smok Osub meant that I was able to crack it eventually.

cloud

Who knows but maybe in a few weeks time I will let my beard grow straggly, covered myself in tattoos & wear a baseball cap back to front so that I can do some competitive vaping without feeling out of place.

Looking at this with my commercial (greedy) hat on, I have been totally gobsmacked by the amount of juice that I have been using compared to my historical mouth to lung (sorry more technical speak) vaping & I can see an argument for sending all our mouth to lung customers somewhere else until they have seen the light & want to spend 4 times as much on juice with us. Note to the incredibly gorgeous Stacey Dunne, there is no need to kneecap me as I am only joking! We love all of our customers equally.

Talking of equal love, I was most excited to see the picture of an attractive young lady who had liked my blog so obviously I wanted to know more & when I clicked on her name there was a message claiming that she wanted to have sex with me & suggesting that I visited her personal website. Now even at my great age with rapidly advancing senility, I know that blog writing is not renowned as a pulling tool & felt that maybe this offer, kind as it may be, was disingenuous & reluctantly hit the spam button.  Now I am worried that if any of my readers genuinely want to have sex with me that they are going to go straight in the spam bin without me knowing about it & this is bound to give me sleepless nights.

control

We are no further forward with the cowboys at Chess Telecom (please refer to previous post) but unlike the incredibly clever Stacey Dunne who has been putting together free ebook guides on our website, I going to give some free advice which is under no circumstances have anything to do with Chess Telecom.

Cowboys & Indians

I’ve been missing in action again but I’m going to blame Barclays Bank & Chess Telecom both of whom between them have driven me to such rage that I have been so beyond grumpy  that it is even been worrying me as I felt convinced that I was going to suffer from a rage induced heart attack. Having made these comments I suppose that I am going to have to explain what they have done to induce such rage so sit back, strap yourself in & listen to this momentous waste of my life.

It all started when I went to login to our Barclays bank account to check on our current level of impoverishment before paying some bills only to receive a pop up message saying that there was a problem with my debit card which is required to work in the stupid little keypad thing that eventually gives you access to your bank account. Well I ring the telephone number provided only to be told by somebody in India that my card had been cancelled due to suspected fraudulent activity but that they had written to me about this along with a new card 3 weeks previously. I explained that I had not received this letter nor replacement card  & after much interrogation I discovered that it had been sent to an address that we moved from 2 years previously even though they manage to send all the statements & other correspondence to the correct address.

I explained that I needed to be able to access our bank account to run the business & that this was impossible without a card that their stupid little keypad thingy would accept & therefore was willing to pay courier charges if need be to get a replacement card as quickly as possible. I was informed that this was not possible but not to worry as I would get a new card in 2 to 3 days which whilst inconvenient was not the end of the world & as at this time I had already spent over an hour of my life on the phone to India I decided to leave it at that.

India

Fast forward 3 days & I have spent the previous 2 days waiting to greet the postman & making sure that Eric the stupid springer spaniel did not mistake him for anybody looking to enforce the TPD regulations as he is now trained to savage them. Diddly squat is in my my mailbox other than bills that I can’t pay due to my inability to access the bank account but on the 3rd day I get a text from Barclays proudly informing that they had just posted my new card.

postman

Even though by blood is starting to boil I decide to leave it until the end of the week & hope that the bloody thing turns up.

Monday morning 7 days later still no card so I brace myself to talk to my local branch in India & after 30 odd minutes of getting absolutely nowhere, I demand to speak to my account manager who strangely enough also has an Indian accent & after a fair amount of grumpy type pushing from me admits that she is not my real account manager & is in India & unable to help me. By this point I am going ballistic & demand to be put through to a real account manager in England which received an extremely reluctant “I will try” followed by a lot of silence. Just as I was about to slam the phone down & drive to the nearest branch with a can of petrol, the phone was answered by ever such a pleasant lady who said well you can come into a branch with ID & if you are prepared to wait for about 20 minutes we can print you one there & then.

Until that point in time, I had not realised that it was possible to experience such incredible anger & joy all at the same time but never the less I was but there wasn’t time to dilly dally around pondering on this subject as I needed to find ID & drive to Gloucester immediately.

Being me, even this did not prove to be painless as upon parking in the nearest car park & getting out of my car I could not help but notice a lady in floods of tears with 2 children hugging her. Overcoming my natural reluctance to talk to anybody in Gloucester, I asked what the matter was, expecting to be told that she had just been mugged or something equally horrendous only to learn that the Pay & Display ticket machine was broken & she didn’t know what to do. Quickly putting on my good Samaritan hat, I informed her that there was another one 50 yards away & that I was going there if she wanted to follow me. End result extremely grateful woman & me wondering where she had been let out of & what had happened to her carer.

crying lady

Gentle stroll through the Gloucester to Barclays bank finds me sandwiched between a heavily tattooed girl pushing 2 children in a pushchair on my left & a clearly inebriated & suitably tattooed man on my right who starts to shout “I am going to hang myself” to which the tattooed girl shouts “I will buy you the fucking rope” & he shouts back “I fucking mean it I am going to fucking hang myself” to which she shouts “I told you I will buy the fucking rope but I don’t need this in front of my fucking children”

chav

As they didn’t seem fucking worried about having their little tete a tete with me in the middle I stopped dead & stood there wondering what it was I had done in a previous life to deserve all this shit when all that I wanted to do was get into our bank account.

I can’t even be bothered to tell you what happened in Barclays Bank other than 45 minutes later I came out with a new debit card.

Stress over until I manage to logon to & finally view our bank account only to see that Chess Telecom had taken almost exactly double the amount that our agreement was for. At this point I pick up the phone to the now incredibly slim Stacey Dunne to ask her what the agreement that she had made with Chess Telecom was as they had taken almost double what I thought it should be. She informed me that she had been calling them for months about this but did not want to tell me in case I burst a blood vessel but that they did not respond to phone calls other than to say another department would call her back but never did.

Well this was just what I wanted to get me teeth into after Barclays Bank, so I penned a rather grumpy email informing them of all their failings that they had consistently failed to remedy & as such they were in breach of contract & on that basis I was giving them notice that we were terminating the contract & that I wanted all the money that they had overcharged for that last 6 months returned.

This elicited a response from their “Customer Loyalty Team” that basically went if you want to terminate you will need to pay us £100’s possibly £1000’s in termination fees.

I felt that this now needed my personal touch so I called the “Customer Loyalty Team” to find out exactly what had changed so such since I was involved in telecoms that meant that a Customer Loyalty Team’s role was now to incense customers so much that they want to punch holes in walls & kick defenseless old ladies. Before posing this question of them I did inform them that I was quite old fashioned & had been expecting an apology & promises to rectify the problems swiftly but clearly this was not how things worked anymore.  My softly softly approach only got me the address of their legal department that I would have to write a letter to as they are not contactable by telephone or email. Clearly at Chess Telecom the phrase “The customer is king” has morphed into “The customer is a bloody pain in the arse”

Now as at this point it gets even more silly as Barclays Bank re-enter the fray so I suggest that you take a break from this blog & come back to it after a nice refreshing cup of tea.

tea break

I have decided that I am not going to take this lying down so decide to call Barclays Bank (I know) & ask them to claim back the over payments taken by Chess under the Direct Debit Guarantee Scheme. So after 90 minutes to India detailing each invoice & the over payments taken, agreeing the exact amount to reclaimed & how the system works, I put the phone down & think job done this has to get some sort of response from Chess Telecom.

Following morning I log into the bank account only to see that Barclays have refunded us with the full amount of every invoice & not the over payments as requested & agreed. Oh shit, I have to talk to India again who can’t explain what they have done but tell me that as they also cancelled the direct debit so I need to call Chess Telecom to reinstate the direct debit & ask them to take the correct amounts. You might be surprised to learn that I completely lost the plot at this point & even my new favourite Lost Vape Therion got hurled across the room & has left a huge dent in the wall as if truth be known it is not the lightest bit of kit in the world. My bloody reason for making the direct debit guarantee claim was that I can’t get any sensible response out of Chess Telecom & now bloody Barclays India want me to sort out their bloody cock up with them. However I now know that if I am demanding enough I can make India transfer me to a UK person that might be able to help. I was very demanding!

Nice lady in UK tells me that the direct debit is not cancelled but that they are unable to claim partial payments but only the full amounts taken, to which I ask why did India make me spend 90 minutes detailing each over payment & agreeing an amount to be reclaimed? Helpfully, I was asked if I wanted to make a complaint & yes I bloody well did.

Now I start to panic that Chess Telecom will cut off our phone lines & broadband so send them an urgent email explaining that Barclays Bank are nearly as bloody useless as they are & had reclaimed all the payments ever taken so as I only actually wanted to pay them what we owed them they had my permission to take the correct amount owed. Of course they have not done this but they have sent us an automated email telling us that they are going to take the wrong amount again at the end of the month.

This one could roll & roll

cowboys & Indians

I have only given you the abridged version of events but feel it is time to leave it now as I am fairly confident that it will get mentioned again in future blogs.

We seem to be punching above our weight at the Olympics & collecting a huge number of Gold medals which is actually just a cheap me way of me finding a link to the Smok OSub 40W in Gold & Black which has to be the prettiest bit of kit on the market at the moment but it’s got a lot more going for it than just looks as it really is a cracking piece of kit so come down to the shop & have a play.

osub gold

Farewell until the next time.

 

 

Goblins, Coffee Machines & Maseratis

I just received an email from a potential supplier wishing to sell us an e cigarette tank that goes by the name of “Goblin” which set me off on one of my trains of thought that so often get me in trouble but anyway here we go.

Now this being a Chinese company I can be more tolerant of them not necessarily understanding the connotations that maybe drawn here in the UK from their choice of name but quite frankly I can’t ever see a time when I would want us to sell a product that reminded me of a noisy gurgling machine that my granny used to have beside her bed to make tea or a horrible little creature with a bad temper (Not even I dared include a picture of the mother in law here) or something that I hoped that the girls I met in my youth were up for.  It just isn’t going to happen.

goblin

However I have been quite smitten with a new piece of kit that I can’t help thinking has come from a coffee machine manufacturer (my problem not theirs) but the Target Mini Starter Kit is manufactured by “Vaporesso” which is now driving the ever so slightly intolerant Stacey Dunne mad when I say things like “You know the one I mean its a coffee machine”. My inability to remember product names apart it is an amazingly small product (reminds me of an 80’s Colibri lighter) that really meets all your vaping requirements but it unfortunately it won’t make you a Cappuccino.

I have been moaning to anybody that will listen for ages about all the e cigarette kit being made with the USA market in mind which is why there is a preponderance of huge ugly brash kit out there but obviously somebody has decided to shut me up as there are now some absolutely fantastic small discrete & sensitive pieces of kit arriving on the market such as the Smok OSUB & the previously mentioned Target Mini Starter Kit that have been generating lots of ooo’s & aaa’s in the shop from people that are actually surprised to learn that they didn’t really need something bigger & heavier than a house brick to give themselves a bloody good vape.

IMG-20160801-WA0004_resized

On the subject of big and brash, a good friend of mine just sent me a picture of his new Maserati GranTurismo & went on about the quality of the leather interior (Yawn) so I sent him a picture of my Lost Vape Therion EVOLV DNA75 with its leather covered case & Ebony wood inlays & asked if it was true that Maserati also made tractors which did result in me being called some rather rude names & told that I needed to get a life amongst other things.  On the grounds that the ever so slightly bossy Stacey Dunne would never let me get one & there is no room in the back for our dogs Eric & Lola, I am going to stick with my Lost Vape which I think gives me more smiles per £ than a Maserati.

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Buffoonery, dresses & breasts

I am disappointed with myself for not having posted for several weeks especially as there have genuinely been many many things that I wanted to mention but events have sort of overtaken them.

In the non vaping world we have a new Prime Minister (described as Maggie MK II by John Prescott who unfortunately is a buffoon whom is rarely correct) Another buffoon as Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs & a Labour Party so full of buffoons that I have not got the willpower to even get into other than to say that at a time when the world is in turmoil & we have seen more terrorist attacks in France & Germany as well as an attempted military coup in a NATO ally, that apparently MI5 have nothing better to do than sabotage Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership of the Labour Party according to Len McCluskey leader of the Unite Trade Union who gets my award for biggest buffoon of all in a world of buffoonery so unbelievably full of Buffoons that that I can’t even find space to mention Jean Claude Juncker, Donald Trump or Pokemon hunters.

Meanwhile in the world of vaping, we have been experiencing some minor traumas with a seemingly endless arrival of boxes from one of our suppliers that did not contain all of the goods detailed on the paperwork. Now I know that we live in an imperfect world & that mistakes can be made but it got to such a state that I suggested to the every so slightly bossy Stacey Dunne that we start videoing the parcels as we open them in order that there could be absolutely no chance of our suppliers thinking that we could be making mistakes. Well I received a phone call saying that a box had arrived & would I come down to video her opening the box, so when I arrived & told her to remove all her clothes in case anybody thought she was hiding any product in her bra, I was ejected from the shop closely followed by a half eaten soggy sandwich & dire threats about my future well being.  Women can be so unreasonable but I put it down to the time of month. N.B. Ever since this episode all of our deliveries have been complete.

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Whilst on the subject of gorgeous things, I fear that my trusty Wood Covered Cool Fire has been supplanted by the Therion EVOLV DNA75 from Lost Vape which in my humble opinion could only possibly be improved by the addition breasts & the drop dead gorgeous dress that I was made to buy Stacey Dunne as penance for my naked video nonsense. When I first set eyes on this MOD battery I immediately decided that even if it didn’t work properly I had had to have one if only for it’s sheer beauty. Well I can tell you that as well as possessing stunning looks (genuine leather covered battery cover & ebony wood inlays on the case) but it’s technical spec is pretty awesome too & I am sat here vaping on it with a great big contented smile on my face. Perhaps not for everybody & at the pricier end of the market but this piece of kit will not only turn heads but it is worth every penny.

lost vape

The ever so slightly disapproving Stacey Dunne thinks that it is a toy that I don’t need as she feels that it is over specced for somebody that does not indulge in competitive vaping (cloud chasing) & that I already have more than enough toys but in my defence I never heard her disapproving when we used to take my Jaguar XK8 to the local pub with the roof down. Not once did we go there at 158 mph, use the cruise control or accelerate from 0 to 60 mph in 5.2 seconds so the car was over specced to travel the 0.6 of a mile to the Royal Exchange like we used to. Enough said!

Finally, I have to have a gentle poke again at some of my friends in the marketing world or as I like to call it name dreaming up & total nonsense copy writing. We have a new to us e-juice in stock Alien Vape which is going down extremely well but the manufacturer supplied description caught my eye as being something worthy of my ridicule & it reads as follows : “Alien Vape is an Extra Terrestrial vaping experience inspired by the mysterious events at Roswell, New Mexico. Vape witness accounts have indicated an intergalactic super nova of peaches, pomegranate, kiwi, and citrus with a high VG oxygen composition on Earth, resulting in the (UFO) Unbelievably Fruity Object experience.”

I offer in contrast the description for my current favourite e-juice Purity Tribeca which is described by the manufacturer as “There’s a reason Tribeca is regarded as one of the top E-liquid flavors in the entire industry—and if you’ve tried it, you already know why. This Spinfuel Choice award winner’s smooth tobacco notes blend with just a touch of vanilla and caramel to produce a satisfying E-liquid with a sweet finish.”

So my award for writing total bollocks goes to………………………

 

Stupidity, stupidity & even more stupidity

I am feeling very pleased with myself as I now officially have my first ever Facebook stalker. Up until now I was feeling very left out & wondering what was wrong with me as I did not have my own stalker but thankfully Lev Bo from Prague has put that right. Seemingly one of my grumpy rants has driven this poor individual to such complete & utter distraction that he has felt it necessary to diss me to my close family. It may come as no surprise to some of you that my family members are either amused or embarrassed by me but certainly not taken a back nor shocked anymore so poor old Lev Bo’s stupidity has been a great source of amusement for all of us so knock yourself out my Czech friend.

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Wow I have so many examples of stupidity to mention that I am no longer sure that TPD will get a look in but it would be rude not to give it a mention so I will. TPD rules will prevent us from supplying our customers with a tank that holds more than 2ml of e-juice which for some of our more extreme customers is about 8 seconds of vaping but the devious Chinese are already supplying after market TPD busting kits that enable you double or more the size of your tank.

Obviously I should not agree with anything that exposed the stupidity of Jean-Claude Juncker & his merry bunch fools in Brussels but our first order is on it’s way & will soon be on our shelves.

tank extension

Again on the subject of stupidity, I have to give Chinese manufacturer Aspire a special mention in this category. I have been particularly impressed by the performance of my Aspire Nautilus X Tank sat on top of my wood skinned Cool Fire until trauma of traumas occurred when I pulled it out of my pocket for a much needed vape & the drip tip had broken. Now you would not expect this to be much of an issue as a drip tip is a drip tip & I have 100’s of them but oh no Aspire have chosen to go with their very own non standard drip tip & I have ended up with mine held together with gaffer tape (not a good look nor much of a sales tool).  I now started worrying about our customers who have a propensity for breaking anything that is not made of reinforced steel & decided to buy some spares quickly but soon found out that I was not the only fool that had missed this flaw as according to Google nobody in the UK had these drip tips.

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Well our customers can rest easy as some are now on their way from China & we should be no 1 on Google as the only people with spare parts for the Aspire Nautilus X Tank in the country. Full marks to Aspire for a fantastic tank but no marks for thinking things through as they really need to include a spare drip tip with the product.

Whilst going with the subject of stupidity it is almost impossible not to give our politicians a mention. Our country does not have a proper Prime Minister at the moment & the conservatives don’t have a leader but thank God it won’t be Boris. Labour have a leader that nobody appears to want but he likes the job so is ignoring them. UKIP no longer have a leader either but Nigel is going to stay on in Brussels for a while because he enjoys pissing them off. Meanwhile the country goes to the dogs which makes me think that maybe I should put forward Eric our ever so slightly mad Springer Spaniel for PM as he certainly would be more fun than Theresa. What would Maggie make of it all God rest her soul?

On a final note of stupidity I have to put myself forward as somebody that should know better but never learns from my mistakes. I received an email from Twitter telling me how they could help us take over the world & have a bigger turnover than Amazon in a fortnight but all that I needed to do was follow these simple steps. Well I gave it a quick look & my brain turned to mashed potato so I thought I know what, I will ask the fragrant Stacey Dunne to take a look for me & before I knew it penned the following email.

“Beyond me but maybe a gorgeous young person will understand. Do you know one?”

On balance its not all that bad sleeping with the dogs but I am finding the cage a bit cramped.

 

 

 

#Aspire #NautilusXtank #TPD #bestvapeshopingloucestershire