Featured

First blog post

My intention behind this blog is multi purpose as I hope to promote our business, prove that I am not a complete dinosaur & can master blogging, social media & all the other internet related things that scare me & at the same time have an opportunity to vent my spleen about the things that quite frankly make me grumpy.

I will be more than happy to exchange views with like minded curmudgeons & look forward to putting the world to right.

 

The Dark Side, Sex & Advice

I can’t believe that I am telling you this but I may have moved over to the dark side & have actually been sub ohm vaping. As an unreconstructed 60 a day Rothmans smoker that has only ever wanted to recreate that sensation this has been a major step for me, not that I am saying that I have totally given up my Nautilus x tanks with tobacco flavoured e juices altogether but I have definitely added another option into my armory of vaping devices.

darkside

I blame it all on the sheer unadulterated beauty of the Smok Osub which is such that I just had to have one. However the fatal flaw in this desire is that it is a sub ohm piece of kit & I didn’t sub ohm. Well I do now & I am still getting a childish amount pleasure from disappearing behind a humongous cloud of vapour that tastes of Danish Pastries. In the past when I have tried to inhale direct to lung (technical speak alert) it played havoc with my brain because you would never do that with a Rothmans King Size & it made me cough up large bits of my lungs on the carpet. Determination is an amazing thing when directed constructively & my desire to own & use a Smok Osub meant that I was able to crack it eventually.

cloud

Who knows but maybe in a few weeks time I will let my beard grow straggly, covered myself in tattoos & wear a baseball cap back to front so that I can do some competitive vaping without feeling out of place.

Looking at this with my commercial (greedy) hat on, I have been totally gobsmacked by the amount of juice that I have been using compared to my historical mouth to lung (sorry more technical speak) vaping & I can see an argument for sending all our mouth to lung customers somewhere else until they have seen the light & want to spend 4 times as much on juice with us. Note to the incredibly gorgeous Stacey Dunne, there is no need to kneecap me as I am only joking! We love all of our customers equally.

Talking of equal love, I was most excited to see the picture of an attractive young lady who had liked my blog so obviously I wanted to know more & when I clicked on her name there was a message claiming that she wanted to have sex with me & suggesting that I visited her personal website. Now even at my great age with rapidly advancing senility, I know that blog writing is not renowned as a pulling tool & felt that maybe this offer, kind as it may be, was disingenuous & reluctantly hit the spam button.  Now I am worried that if any of my readers genuinely want to have sex with me that they are going to go straight in the spam bin without me knowing about it & this is bound to give me sleepless nights.

control

We are no further forward with the cowboys at Chess Telecom (please refer to previous post) but unlike the incredibly clever Stacey Dunne who has been putting together free ebook guides on our website, I going to give some free advice which is under no circumstances have anything to do with Chess Telecom.

Cowboys & Indians

I’ve been missing in action again but I’m going to blame Barclays Bank & Chess Telecom both of whom between them have driven me to such rage that I have been so beyond grumpy  that it is even been worrying me as I felt convinced that I was going to suffer from a rage induced heart attack. Having made these comments I suppose that I am going to have to explain what they have done to induce such rage so sit back, strap yourself in & listen to this momentous waste of my life.

It all started when I went to login to our Barclays bank account to check on our current level of impoverishment before paying some bills only to receive a pop up message saying that there was a problem with my debit card which is required to work in the stupid little keypad thing that eventually gives you access to your bank account. Well I ring the telephone number provided only to be told by somebody in India that my card had been cancelled due to suspected fraudulent activity but that they had written to me about this along with a new card 3 weeks previously. I explained that I had not received this letter nor replacement card  & after much interrogation I discovered that it had been sent to an address that we moved from 2 years previously even though they manage to send all the statements & other correspondence to the correct address.

I explained that I needed to be able to access our bank account to run the business & that this was impossible without a card that their stupid little keypad thingy would accept & therefore was willing to pay courier charges if need be to get a replacement card as quickly as possible. I was informed that this was not possible but not to worry as I would get a new card in 2 to 3 days which whilst inconvenient was not the end of the world & as at this time I had already spent over an hour of my life on the phone to India I decided to leave it at that.

India

Fast forward 3 days & I have spent the previous 2 days waiting to greet the postman & making sure that Eric the stupid springer spaniel did not mistake him for anybody looking to enforce the TPD regulations as he is now trained to savage them. Diddly squat is in my my mailbox other than bills that I can’t pay due to my inability to access the bank account but on the 3rd day I get a text from Barclays proudly informing that they had just posted my new card.

postman

Even though by blood is starting to boil I decide to leave it until the end of the week & hope that the bloody thing turns up.

Monday morning 7 days later still no card so I brace myself to talk to my local branch in India & after 30 odd minutes of getting absolutely nowhere, I demand to speak to my account manager who strangely enough also has an Indian accent & after a fair amount of grumpy type pushing from me admits that she is not my real account manager & is in India & unable to help me. By this point I am going ballistic & demand to be put through to a real account manager in England which received an extremely reluctant “I will try” followed by a lot of silence. Just as I was about to slam the phone down & drive to the nearest branch with a can of petrol, the phone was answered by ever such a pleasant lady who said well you can come into a branch with ID & if you are prepared to wait for about 20 minutes we can print you one there & then.

Until that point in time, I had not realised that it was possible to experience such incredible anger & joy all at the same time but never the less I was but there wasn’t time to dilly dally around pondering on this subject as I needed to find ID & drive to Gloucester immediately.

Being me, even this did not prove to be painless as upon parking in the nearest car park & getting out of my car I could not help but notice a lady in floods of tears with 2 children hugging her. Overcoming my natural reluctance to talk to anybody in Gloucester, I asked what the matter was, expecting to be told that she had just been mugged or something equally horrendous only to learn that the Pay & Display ticket machine was broken & she didn’t know what to do. Quickly putting on my good Samaritan hat, I informed her that there was another one 50 yards away & that I was going there if she wanted to follow me. End result extremely grateful woman & me wondering where she had been let out of & what had happened to her carer.

crying lady

Gentle stroll through the Gloucester to Barclays bank finds me sandwiched between a heavily tattooed girl pushing 2 children in a pushchair on my left & a clearly inebriated & suitably tattooed man on my right who starts to shout “I am going to hang myself” to which the tattooed girl shouts “I will buy you the fucking rope” & he shouts back “I fucking mean it I am going to fucking hang myself” to which she shouts “I told you I will buy the fucking rope but I don’t need this in front of my fucking children”

chav

As they didn’t seem fucking worried about having their little tete a tete with me in the middle I stopped dead & stood there wondering what it was I had done in a previous life to deserve all this shit when all that I wanted to do was get into our bank account.

I can’t even be bothered to tell you what happened in Barclays Bank other than 45 minutes later I came out with a new debit card.

Stress over until I manage to logon to & finally view our bank account only to see that Chess Telecom had taken almost exactly double the amount that our agreement was for. At this point I pick up the phone to the now incredibly slim Stacey Dunne to ask her what the agreement that she had made with Chess Telecom was as they had taken almost double what I thought it should be. She informed me that she had been calling them for months about this but did not want to tell me in case I burst a blood vessel but that they did not respond to phone calls other than to say another department would call her back but never did.

Well this was just what I wanted to get me teeth into after Barclays Bank, so I penned a rather grumpy email informing them of all their failings that they had consistently failed to remedy & as such they were in breach of contract & on that basis I was giving them notice that we were terminating the contract & that I wanted all the money that they had overcharged for that last 6 months returned.

This elicited a response from their “Customer Loyalty Team” that basically went if you want to terminate you will need to pay us £100’s possibly £1000’s in termination fees.

I felt that this now needed my personal touch so I called the “Customer Loyalty Team” to find out exactly what had changed so such since I was involved in telecoms that meant that a Customer Loyalty Team’s role was now to incense customers so much that they want to punch holes in walls & kick defenseless old ladies. Before posing this question of them I did inform them that I was quite old fashioned & had been expecting an apology & promises to rectify the problems swiftly but clearly this was not how things worked anymore.  My softly softly approach only got me the address of their legal department that I would have to write a letter to as they are not contactable by telephone or email. Clearly at Chess Telecom the phrase “The customer is king” has morphed into “The customer is a bloody pain in the arse”

Now as at this point it gets even more silly as Barclays Bank re-enter the fray so I suggest that you take a break from this blog & come back to it after a nice refreshing cup of tea.

tea break

I have decided that I am not going to take this lying down so decide to call Barclays Bank (I know) & ask them to claim back the over payments taken by Chess under the Direct Debit Guarantee Scheme. So after 90 minutes to India detailing each invoice & the over payments taken, agreeing the exact amount to reclaimed & how the system works, I put the phone down & think job done this has to get some sort of response from Chess Telecom.

Following morning I log into the bank account only to see that Barclays have refunded us with the full amount of every invoice & not the over payments as requested & agreed. Oh shit, I have to talk to India again who can’t explain what they have done but tell me that as they also cancelled the direct debit so I need to call Chess Telecom to reinstate the direct debit & ask them to take the correct amounts. You might be surprised to learn that I completely lost the plot at this point & even my new favourite Lost Vape Therion got hurled across the room & has left a huge dent in the wall as if truth be known it is not the lightest bit of kit in the world. My bloody reason for making the direct debit guarantee claim was that I can’t get any sensible response out of Chess Telecom & now bloody Barclays India want me to sort out their bloody cock up with them. However I now know that if I am demanding enough I can make India transfer me to a UK person that might be able to help. I was very demanding!

Nice lady in UK tells me that the direct debit is not cancelled but that they are unable to claim partial payments but only the full amounts taken, to which I ask why did India make me spend 90 minutes detailing each over payment & agreeing an amount to be reclaimed? Helpfully, I was asked if I wanted to make a complaint & yes I bloody well did.

Now I start to panic that Chess Telecom will cut off our phone lines & broadband so send them an urgent email explaining that Barclays Bank are nearly as bloody useless as they are & had reclaimed all the payments ever taken so as I only actually wanted to pay them what we owed them they had my permission to take the correct amount owed. Of course they have not done this but they have sent us an automated email telling us that they are going to take the wrong amount again at the end of the month.

This one could roll & roll

cowboys & Indians

I have only given you the abridged version of events but feel it is time to leave it now as I am fairly confident that it will get mentioned again in future blogs.

We seem to be punching above our weight at the Olympics & collecting a huge number of Gold medals which is actually just a cheap me way of me finding a link to the Smok OSub 40W in Gold & Black which has to be the prettiest bit of kit on the market at the moment but it’s got a lot more going for it than just looks as it really is a cracking piece of kit so come down to the shop & have a play.

osub gold

Farewell until the next time.

 

 

Goblins, Coffee Machines & Maseratis

I just received an email from a potential supplier wishing to sell us an e cigarette tank that goes by the name of “Goblin” which set me off on one of my trains of thought that so often get me in trouble but anyway here we go.

Now this being a Chinese company I can be more tolerant of them not necessarily understanding the connotations that maybe drawn here in the UK from their choice of name but quite frankly I can’t ever see a time when I would want us to sell a product that reminded me of a noisy gurgling machine that my granny used to have beside her bed to make tea or a horrible little creature with a bad temper (Not even I dared include a picture of the mother in law here) or something that I hoped that the girls I met in my youth were up for.  It just isn’t going to happen.

goblin

However I have been quite smitten with a new piece of kit that I can’t help thinking has come from a coffee machine manufacturer (my problem not theirs) but the Target Mini Starter Kit is manufactured by “Vaporesso” which is now driving the ever so slightly intolerant Stacey Dunne mad when I say things like “You know the one I mean its a coffee machine”. My inability to remember product names apart it is an amazingly small product (reminds me of an 80’s Colibri lighter) that really meets all your vaping requirements but it unfortunately it won’t make you a Cappuccino.

I have been moaning to anybody that will listen for ages about all the e cigarette kit being made with the USA market in mind which is why there is a preponderance of huge ugly brash kit out there but obviously somebody has decided to shut me up as there are now some absolutely fantastic small discrete & sensitive pieces of kit arriving on the market such as the Smok OSUB & the previously mentioned Target Mini Starter Kit that have been generating lots of ooo’s & aaa’s in the shop from people that are actually surprised to learn that they didn’t really need something bigger & heavier than a house brick to give themselves a bloody good vape.

IMG-20160801-WA0004_resized

On the subject of big and brash, a good friend of mine just sent me a picture of his new Maserati GranTurismo & went on about the quality of the leather interior (Yawn) so I sent him a picture of my Lost Vape Therion EVOLV DNA75 with its leather covered case & Ebony wood inlays & asked if it was true that Maserati also made tractors which did result in me being called some rather rude names & told that I needed to get a life amongst other things.  On the grounds that the ever so slightly bossy Stacey Dunne would never let me get one & there is no room in the back for our dogs Eric & Lola, I am going to stick with my Lost Vape which I think gives me more smiles per £ than a Maserati.

20160730_184736_HDR_resized

 

Buffoonery, dresses & breasts

I am disappointed with myself for not having posted for several weeks especially as there have genuinely been many many things that I wanted to mention but events have sort of overtaken them.

In the non vaping world we have a new Prime Minister (described as Maggie MK II by John Prescott who unfortunately is a buffoon whom is rarely correct) Another buffoon as Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs & a Labour Party so full of buffoons that I have not got the willpower to even get into other than to say that at a time when the world is in turmoil & we have seen more terrorist attacks in France & Germany as well as an attempted military coup in a NATO ally, that apparently MI5 have nothing better to do than sabotage Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership of the Labour Party according to Len McCluskey leader of the Unite Trade Union who gets my award for biggest buffoon of all in a world of buffoonery so unbelievably full of Buffoons that that I can’t even find space to mention Jean Claude Juncker, Donald Trump or Pokemon hunters.

Meanwhile in the world of vaping, we have been experiencing some minor traumas with a seemingly endless arrival of boxes from one of our suppliers that did not contain all of the goods detailed on the paperwork. Now I know that we live in an imperfect world & that mistakes can be made but it got to such a state that I suggested to the every so slightly bossy Stacey Dunne that we start videoing the parcels as we open them in order that there could be absolutely no chance of our suppliers thinking that we could be making mistakes. Well I received a phone call saying that a box had arrived & would I come down to video her opening the box, so when I arrived & told her to remove all her clothes in case anybody thought she was hiding any product in her bra, I was ejected from the shop closely followed by a half eaten soggy sandwich & dire threats about my future well being.  Women can be so unreasonable but I put it down to the time of month. N.B. Ever since this episode all of our deliveries have been complete.

Untitled-1

Whilst on the subject of gorgeous things, I fear that my trusty Wood Covered Cool Fire has been supplanted by the Therion EVOLV DNA75 from Lost Vape which in my humble opinion could only possibly be improved by the addition breasts & the drop dead gorgeous dress that I was made to buy Stacey Dunne as penance for my naked video nonsense. When I first set eyes on this MOD battery I immediately decided that even if it didn’t work properly I had had to have one if only for it’s sheer beauty. Well I can tell you that as well as possessing stunning looks (genuine leather covered battery cover & ebony wood inlays on the case) but it’s technical spec is pretty awesome too & I am sat here vaping on it with a great big contented smile on my face. Perhaps not for everybody & at the pricier end of the market but this piece of kit will not only turn heads but it is worth every penny.

lost vape

The ever so slightly disapproving Stacey Dunne thinks that it is a toy that I don’t need as she feels that it is over specced for somebody that does not indulge in competitive vaping (cloud chasing) & that I already have more than enough toys but in my defence I never heard her disapproving when we used to take my Jaguar XK8 to the local pub with the roof down. Not once did we go there at 158 mph, use the cruise control or accelerate from 0 to 60 mph in 5.2 seconds so the car was over specced to travel the 0.6 of a mile to the Royal Exchange like we used to. Enough said!

Finally, I have to have a gentle poke again at some of my friends in the marketing world or as I like to call it name dreaming up & total nonsense copy writing. We have a new to us e-juice in stock Alien Vape which is going down extremely well but the manufacturer supplied description caught my eye as being something worthy of my ridicule & it reads as follows : “Alien Vape is an Extra Terrestrial vaping experience inspired by the mysterious events at Roswell, New Mexico. Vape witness accounts have indicated an intergalactic super nova of peaches, pomegranate, kiwi, and citrus with a high VG oxygen composition on Earth, resulting in the (UFO) Unbelievably Fruity Object experience.”

I offer in contrast the description for my current favourite e-juice Purity Tribeca which is described by the manufacturer as “There’s a reason Tribeca is regarded as one of the top E-liquid flavors in the entire industry—and if you’ve tried it, you already know why. This Spinfuel Choice award winner’s smooth tobacco notes blend with just a touch of vanilla and caramel to produce a satisfying E-liquid with a sweet finish.”

So my award for writing total bollocks goes to………………………

 

Stupidity, stupidity & even more stupidity

I am feeling very pleased with myself as I now officially have my first ever Facebook stalker. Up until now I was feeling very left out & wondering what was wrong with me as I did not have my own stalker but thankfully Lev Bo from Prague has put that right. Seemingly one of my grumpy rants has driven this poor individual to such complete & utter distraction that he has felt it necessary to diss me to my close family. It may come as no surprise to some of you that my family members are either amused or embarrassed by me but certainly not taken a back nor shocked anymore so poor old Lev Bo’s stupidity has been a great source of amusement for all of us so knock yourself out my Czech friend.

stalking

Wow I have so many examples of stupidity to mention that I am no longer sure that TPD will get a look in but it would be rude not to give it a mention so I will. TPD rules will prevent us from supplying our customers with a tank that holds more than 2ml of e-juice which for some of our more extreme customers is about 8 seconds of vaping but the devious Chinese are already supplying after market TPD busting kits that enable you double or more the size of your tank.

Obviously I should not agree with anything that exposed the stupidity of Jean-Claude Juncker & his merry bunch fools in Brussels but our first order is on it’s way & will soon be on our shelves.

tank extension

Again on the subject of stupidity, I have to give Chinese manufacturer Aspire a special mention in this category. I have been particularly impressed by the performance of my Aspire Nautilus X Tank sat on top of my wood skinned Cool Fire until trauma of traumas occurred when I pulled it out of my pocket for a much needed vape & the drip tip had broken. Now you would not expect this to be much of an issue as a drip tip is a drip tip & I have 100’s of them but oh no Aspire have chosen to go with their very own non standard drip tip & I have ended up with mine held together with gaffer tape (not a good look nor much of a sales tool).  I now started worrying about our customers who have a propensity for breaking anything that is not made of reinforced steel & decided to buy some spares quickly but soon found out that I was not the only fool that had missed this flaw as according to Google nobody in the UK had these drip tips.

gaffer

 

Well our customers can rest easy as some are now on their way from China & we should be no 1 on Google as the only people with spare parts for the Aspire Nautilus X Tank in the country. Full marks to Aspire for a fantastic tank but no marks for thinking things through as they really need to include a spare drip tip with the product.

Whilst going with the subject of stupidity it is almost impossible not to give our politicians a mention. Our country does not have a proper Prime Minister at the moment & the conservatives don’t have a leader but thank God it won’t be Boris. Labour have a leader that nobody appears to want but he likes the job so is ignoring them. UKIP no longer have a leader either but Nigel is going to stay on in Brussels for a while because he enjoys pissing them off. Meanwhile the country goes to the dogs which makes me think that maybe I should put forward Eric our ever so slightly mad Springer Spaniel for PM as he certainly would be more fun than Theresa. What would Maggie make of it all God rest her soul?

On a final note of stupidity I have to put myself forward as somebody that should know better but never learns from my mistakes. I received an email from Twitter telling me how they could help us take over the world & have a bigger turnover than Amazon in a fortnight but all that I needed to do was follow these simple steps. Well I gave it a quick look & my brain turned to mashed potato so I thought I know what, I will ask the fragrant Stacey Dunne to take a look for me & before I knew it penned the following email.

“Beyond me but maybe a gorgeous young person will understand. Do you know one?”

On balance its not all that bad sleeping with the dogs but I am finding the cage a bit cramped.

 

 

 

#Aspire #NautilusXtank #TPD #bestvapeshopingloucestershire

TPD, Gordon Banks, turbos & Honorary Englishmen

Well there are a few things that I don’t really want to talk about but think that I can’t get away without sticking my head above the parapet & getting shot at so here we go.

head

I did vote to leave the EU albeit rather reluctantly & whilst TPD did play a significant part in my decision, the straw that broke the camels back for me was Jean Claude Juncker’s statement that there was going to be no further negotiation with the UK. I could not believe the arrogance of this un-elected autocrat & wanted no part of it.

However as the overall margin of victory for leaving was so small (1,269,501 votes) I cannot help wondering how many of the UK’s 2,800,000 vapers were so pissed off by TPD regulations that they were the tipping point in this election. Wouldn’t that be an interesting statistic if we were able to find it out?

All that said, I have been absolutely horrified by the vitriol & in particular the racist outpourings that have been appearing all over social media & elsewhere. Shame on you.

Talking of shame, what on earth happened to the England football team? I’ve played in better pub teams than the national team that turned out against against Iceland. Whilst not wishing to take anything away from Iceland we were abysmal. Gordon Banks who is now 78 years old & blind in one eye would have been a better choice than Joe Hart & as for Rooney words fail me & the only excuse that I can come up with is that he discovered just before the game that his mother is Icelandic & he was playing for them. Picking so many Spurs players may have come into it as well. Please note that me being an avid Arsenal supporter could not possibly be a cause of any bias in that last statement & thank god Jamie Vardey is staying at Leicester!

Back in the real world of vaping, our shop is now proudly displaying new products such as the Smok TFV8 Cloud Beast Tank which is a major disappointment to me as readers of my earlier blogs will know that I just can’t get on with the competitive vaping (cloud chasing / fog creation) thing but I now really want to as this monster is making me feel like a 2nd class citizen with it’s patentented sextuple turbo engines for crying out loud my current fave the Nautilus X Tank only has something called U-Tech coils. I mean who on earth would not want to use a piece of kit that boasted a sextuple turbo engine? Do you need a full driving licence to use it & what insurance group is it in?

My normal choice of e-juices would I suspect be totally unsuitable for such a beast but thankfully we are now stocking “Bad Drip”  & “Alien Vape” as I am told by the ever so slightly bossy Stacey Dunne that it is just what we needed along with the “Coastal Clouds” on their way. My only issue is that somebody in marketing probably got paid huge sums of money to come up with these names & to be totally honest it upsets me. I want a highly paid job in product name dreaming up as I am pretty sure I could be the top dog in this area if only because competition seems pretty lightweight.

Maybe it has something to do with male & female brains being totally different & I am not talking navigation/map reading skills here as this would be sexist & unfair even if I do worry about Stacey finding her way back to bed if she gets up for a pee in the night but about the way that we process & use information. By way of an example, whilst in the shop the other day I wanted to ask the ever helpful Jack at Vape Distribution a question & asked Stacey if she had his telephone number to which she informed me it was programmed into the phones memory. She was not lying as there in all it’s glory was displayed “Jack VD” Well it took me ages to wipe the tears away & get back off the floor before being able to call him.

Fortunately Jack was able to clarify that it had all cleared up now whilst Stacey was giving me one of her “you are not in the slightest bit amusing & may well die shortly” looks. Now I challenge you find a better example of the difference in the way that men & women’s brains work.

I am off now for a coffee in the garden with my trusty wood covered Cool Fire & Eric before it starts pissing down for Wimbledon. I know that he is Scottish & probably wants to be in the EU with Jean Claude Juncker & all his corrupt cronies but for the next couple of weeks I am going to make Andy Murray an honorary Englishman & hope he doesn’t meet any Icelandic tennis players on his way to the finals.

 

 

 

 

#cloudchasing #smokTFV8CloudBeast #VapeShopGloucester #VapeShopCheltenham #BadDrip #CoastalClouds #CoolFire #McFlavors #Purity #WizzMix #VapeShopNewent #VapeShopGloucestershire #SubOhm #TPD #Brexit #JeanClaudeJuncker #ejuice #eliquid #BestVapeShopinGloucestershire #Iceland

Mount Vesuvius, Pensions & Oxygen

Stacey & I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Kaiser Chiefs who were pretty awesome & the rain was very kind to us with only the odd little shower to dampen proceedings. However fairly predictably even here we suffered from a difference of opinion as when the stage disappeared in a huge cloud of smoke & I shouted “Look Ricky Wilson is squonking”  Stacey informed me that I was an idiot as it was dry ice whilst receiving “I’ve got one of those too” looks from various women in our vicinity. I still think that I was right & did my best to create reciprocal clouds with my trusty wood skinned Cool Fire but too be totally honest I really needed something with a bit more oomph like the new SMOK TFV8 tank that are on their way in.

Kaiser Chiefs

Only the Chinese could refer to their product as a “Cloud Beast” & then draw a comparison to Mount Vesuvius.  If you want a giggle take a look http://www.smoktech.com/atomizer/the-tfv8-cloud-beast this is what the Chinese marketing people think will excite us here as it really demonstrates some of the cultural differences between us.

On cultural differences, since starting this blog we have decided to leave our European friends & Dave is checking his pension arrangements whilst the financial markets go into meltdown.

Not really sure what to say about this as much of the EU meddling did not impact on me in an “in your face way” & was often apocryphal until TPD came along & had a distinct impact on my life & the way that we earned a living. This in itself was not a problem as I have always been a firm believer that regulation was required to deal with some of the shadier or shoddy elements of the e-cigarette market but to allow legislation to be shaped by the concerns of the big pharmaceutical & tobacco companies who spent massive sums of money lobbying to protect their interests was in my view probably corrupt or at best criminally negligent. As more & more research came out clearly demonstrating that the legislation was flawed & unfit for purpose, the more that these un-elected people were determined to make it happen no matter how many lives it cost.

If this was a microcosm for other industries around the country then I guess that it is no surprise that we have decided to leave Europe so onward & upwards with a very British stiff upper lip is now my mantra & if anybody upsets us send a gunboat round to point out the error of their ways.

In an earlier blog I made light hearted references to vaping in the gym but I have to admit that whilst I did take my Tesla Stealth with me it did not get a look in as after years of abusing my body this shock to my system only induced the need for a lie down in an oxygen tent, gallons of iced water & my brow to be mopped by several virginal beauties. Perhaps this theory of mine requires a little more work.

oxygen tent

 

 

 

#SmokTFV8 #TeslaStealth #CoolFire #TPD

Books, DIY & Riots

Some time ago a good friend of mine wrote an award winning book (at least he keeps telling me that it won awards) entitled “Be Careful What You Wish For” which is a phrase that often comes to mind when I am ruminating on the things that are getting on my goat.

I mean what the hell would I do if I had nothing to moan about & make me grumpy? Life would be pretty boring but I definitely wish that we had not purchased some new cabinets to display all our new competitive vaping (cloud chasing) gear in as they came flat packed & after what seemed like a lifetime of cursing, re-reading the un-instructive instructions multiple times, more cursing & threatening them with a sledge hammer, we finally have somewhere to display all this stuff. D.I.Y. is not my forte!

diy disaster

Blimey since mentioning in an earlier blog that the Tesla Stealth 100w was possibly suitable for a stealthy vape in the gym, we have only gone & sold out of them with a new order having to be placed. Clearly I am not the only person that thinks that the gym is a good place for a vape.

I have been watching with great interest all the debates as to whether we should stay in Europe or not & whilst my anger & frustration with e-cigs being classified as a tobacco product under Tobacco Products Directive (TPD) makes me want to leave, I am desperately trying to look at the bigger picture & come to my decision based on what is right for our country overall. However I find this extremely difficult when all of our politicians are all incapable of telling the truth whilst trying to score points against each other & I don’t believe a word that any of them say.

Whilst on the subject of words, why do they all answer a question with “SO” it drives me completely & utterly mad to the point that I am fearful that my trusty wood covered Cool Fire is going to end up embedded in my TV when I hurl it at an offending idiot & I am angry enough with them already without having to hold them responsible for the loss of my favourite piece of vaping equipment & TV.

Stacey & I are off to see the Kaiser Chiefs at Westonbirt Arboretum tonight which is a fantastic outdoor venue when the sun is shining but my BBC weather app is doing it’s best to annoy me by telling me that it is going to be pissing down this evening. So off to find my wellies.

I would like to think that when the Kaiser Chiefs recorded I Predict a Riot that they had TPD in mind but I suspect that I am stretching credibility a bit too far but perhaps it should be our anthem.

#TeslaStealth100w #TPD #VapeShopGloucester #BestVapeShopinGloucestershire #IPredictaRiot

Birthdays, Squonking & Kamikaze Chickens

As a general rule of thumb, I do my best to stay away from the shop unless I am running out of juice or I think that there is something new & shiny coming in that deserves my attention. (Stacey says that I am antisocial, I say that I am intolerant) Also Stacey has this habit of breaking things for me to fix when I am anywhere near which coupled with our fundamentally different views on dealing with customers is a recipe for a difference of opinion which I am not allowed to win. Stacey is extremely nice & helpful to our customers being willing to spend ages making sure that they are happy & my slightly more pragmatic approach is to empty their wallets & get them out of the door as quickly as possible.

Anyway yesterday I attempted a flying visit to grab myself some Purity Devlin juice but it resulted in me being left on my own when a customer walked in & immediately pointed at the huge & impressive looking Kanger Dripbox 160w Starter Kit saying can I have a look at that dripper. Whilst trying to judge the openness of his wallet I found myself saying “It’s not a dripper it’s a sqonker & squonking does not involve killing small furry animals” Sensibly, he ignored this & asked me “how long do the coils last?” to which the only reply I could honestly give was “Haven’t a clue but it’s only 58 quid & so heavy that if you threw it at the wife it would knock her out easily” From this point it only took two sample puffs & we were straight into his wallet.

Result happy customer as far as I was concerned but me getting a severe talking to & being told never to darken the shops doorway again. I slunk out throwing a little hand grenade as I left by saying “Have you ever thought about offering credit?”

Earlier this week we celebrated Stacey’s birthday & this had got me musing on various issues like how come gifts stop being shiny or sensual & become practical? It was the realisation that I am as pleased as punch with a WiFi gizmo plugged into my car that sends every imaginable piece of information possible about the operation of my car & my driving habits including video & GPS info to an app on my phone. I love it but unfortunately it’s use is impossible without crashing into a tree. Stacey absolutely loves her kitchen composter (It looks better than it sounds. Sort of like a silver biscuit barrel or ice bucket) she can now turn all the detritus resulting from the Nutri Ninja preparation of horrible healthy stuff into something that can be dug into the vegetable patch thereby helping the planet & future generations apparently.

Stacey’s birthday is the same week as the Queen’s (Happy Birthday Your Majesty) which also had me wondering if HRH was aware that there were people plotting to send me away at her pleasure for the nefarious activity of selling & promoting life saving e-cig products to her loyal subjects. Does she know or care that this is due to something called TPD thought up by some idiots in Brussels? I don’t suppose this is something that I will ever find the answer to.

As it happens, I was having these thoughts whilst enjoying a nice mug of tea (No more Prosseco & Cassis for me) in our conservatory with Eric the surfing Springer Spaniel who due to his propensity for disappearing for miles across the fields chasing birds flying at 1000 ft above him was attached to the horse’s lunge line which was in turn attached to the house. This was extremely fortunate for the Kamikaze chicken that decided to jump into our garden from the adjacent field obviously not having spotted Eric who screamed across the garden faster than Usain Bolt but came to a shuddering halt & somersaulted backwards as he ran out of lunge line & the clucking chicken flew back across the fence only minus the one tail feather in Eric’s mouth. Well it amused me even if I worry that the house has now moved 6 inches closer to the fields.

chicken

 

 

Mint sauce,bloodsuckers & stupidity

We are fortunate enough to live in rural Gloucestershire & one of the many benefits is having sheep in the fields adjoining our garden & sheep are animals that I am particularly fond of  due to their innate stupidity. We have frequent stare offs between Eric our daft Springer Spaniel & a variety of sheep & lambs through the fence & I feel that it must be good for Eric’s confidence to be in regular contact with other beings that are more gormless than him.

I mean any animals that come baaing at me when I am getting the barbecue ready can’t be very bright. They are clearly of the misapprehension that I am going to provide them with food whilst I am looking at them through butchers eyes & mentally stuffing them with garlic & rosemary whilst preparing a nice little side of mint sauce.

However all is not entirely rosy with the neighbourly sheep as they provide a fertile feeding ground for ticks which are pesky little blood sucking critters that are unable to differentiate between sheep & dogs & attach themselves to Eric & Lola with alarming frequency despite the regular application of extortionately expensive potions that promise to prevent flea & tick infestations. I am now a skilled operative with the tick removal tool which Eric is happy for me to use however Lola is of the opinion that it is a tool of death & must be avoided at any cost resulting in her having to be sat on by Stacey which is not an even contest.

Have you seen what I have managed to do here? I have managed to reference bloodsucking, stupidity & tools of death before launching into a little rant about TPD & Brussels. Well unfortunately Labour has announced that it will vote against Lord Callanan’s fatal motion against the TPD which means that this dreadful piece of legislation will go through the House of Lords unhindered. I hope that they (the unelected twats in Brussels & our own politicians) can sleep at night knowing that they have probably condemmed many 1000’s of people to an unnecessary early death.

On the subject of health, I have just signed up to a 6 week back to fitness course at the gym & have been provided with all sorts of instructions & preparation advice such as wear loose clothing, suitable footwear & bring a bottle of water but absolutely no mention of my vaping gear. I am fearing that there may be some sort of Mexican standoff looming with some unenlightened health fascist telling me NO & me standing up for my vaping rights.

Maybe I should just go stealthy & ditch the wood covered Cool Fire for something less in your face. Surely this would the time to try out the new very small Tesla 100w Stealth Mod that we have just got in-store. This must be a marketing mans dream a mod that’s good for the gym as nobody will notice you taking a stealthy vape on the treadmill particularly if couple it with a nice healthy fruit juice like Apple & Mango . I don’t think anything like Donuts is right for the gym though.

gymstealth

 

 

 

#TeslaStealthMod #TPD #gym #vapingGloucester #IloveDonuts #Apple&Mango #vaping #vape #CoolFire  #Lord Callanan #hartpury #Gloucester #Gloucestershire